Student Writing Samples
The Stack the Deck Writing Program P.O. Box 5352 Chicago, IL 60680 Phone: 1-312-675-1000 and 1-800-253-5737 Fax: 1-312-765-0453 Email: stackthedeck@sbcglobal.net
Publishing Student Writing from Tap the Deck

Mrs. Melanie Jipson from Hadfield Elementary School in Waukesha, Wisconsin, sent some student samples for publication on our web site. They are wonderful. Congratulations, Mrs. Jipson and your talented, imaginative, student-writers. Here's Mrs. Jipson's letter to Stack the Deck: July 7, 2002 Dear Herb Hrebic: This is the first full year I have used the Stack the Deck Program. I am astounded by the growth in my students' writing. Your curriculum is terrific! I am sending along a few pieces of my students' work for possible publication on your web site. The examples I am sending are from the Tap the Deck book. They include: Coining a Verb, Describing a Favorite Animal, Narrating a Remembered Place, Describing Creatively from the point of view of Shoes, and the Chase writing units. If any of the samples are selected for publication, please notify me! Thanks for taking a look at the enclosed student samples. Sincerely, Mrs. Melanie Jipson   This exercise comes from the flip-flop verb activity in Unit 1. Notice how Adam "flips" the meaning of pounds and shed in his creative story. Great imagination. Sylvia Pounds Sheds by Adam Thomas Sylvia graduated college in hopes of becoming a physical fitness expert. The only job she could find was as a potato chip tester. Soon she started to become overweight. One day Sylvia said she couldn't take her job another minute. A half-hour later a physical fitness expert came in looking for health chips. As she helped the man find his chips, he offered her a job as a workout machine tester. She gladly took the job. Soon Sylvia was shedding pounds as a workout machine tester. Sylvia loved her job. One day a man came up to Sylvia. He asked her what the best machine was. She showed him five different machines. "That one looks too hard," the man complained. "That one looks dangerous," the man whined. "That one is too expensive," he said. "That one is too cheap!" he yelled. Sylvia showed him one last machine. "I don't know," the man said. "Oh, okay," and he finally agreed to take it. After that the physical expert came in. He asked Sylvia if she would like a job as a physical fitness expert. Sylvia gladly said yes. Now Sylvia sheds pounds very well.   Here's another example from the flip-flop activity. Bob Counts Shoes. Bob's Shoes Count. by Daniel Kratz Bob Bob (which is his real name) had just graduated from the Shoe School for Dudes. He didn't have much money. He squeamishly got a job at a Converse factory in Ohio. Bob counted shoes that went through a conveyer belt. It was an irking job. He was only reimbursed $2.01 per hour. After a week on the job, he couldn't take it anymore. "The shoes seem to be mimicking me in my dreams. It's driving me crazy!" He went to his boss the very next morning and told his boss that he quit. Later that day, while reading the want ads, Bob found an advertisement for the NIKE Shoe Company. A manager from Hawaii was in Ohio looking for a new designer to replace a retiree. Bob answered the ad in an instant. He interviewed for the position and was hired as the new designer immediately. He went home right away and packed his bags for the permanent vacation to Hawaii. When he arrived at his destination, he immediately began making designs for shoes. All of his co-workers agreed with every model he designed. He sold many shoes in the stores and had over 500 shoe designs. He became a millionaire by the time he was thirty. He got married and was announced by the NIKE Company as the highest paid shoe creator ever. Bob Bob was nominated into the Shoe of Fame. He was very pleased with himself, having come from a lowly worker in the Converse factory to the highest and most recognized shoe artisan in the world. That was the "job world" of Bob Bob.   In Unit 4 students describe their favorite animal. Here are some examples from Mrs. Jipson's students. Ocelots by Lucas Caputa Have you ever heard of an ocelot? They are the smallest members of the big cat family. Ocelots are about two feet tall and three feet long. Their fur is a yellowish-gold color with black. They have small round ears and small sharp teeth. Their tails have gold and black stripes; also their tails are quite large for their small size. Ocelot's movements are exactly like any other cat, which includes running, jumping, hunting, crawling, and of course purring. The clever cat eats small and quick animals such as rats and birds, so the ocelot is also quick, quiet, and stealthy while hunting. The small sleek cats only have two ways of protecting themselves, which are biting and slashing with their claws. Ocelots live at the edge of the forest and near meadows. Ocelots are a benefit to man because they keep down the rodent population. The ocelot is my favorite animal because when I first saw it at a zoo, it was being fed a live rat! Unconscious of the danger, the rat just stood there and the ocelot slowly crept around a rock and leaped on the rat. It was so quick and quiet! I liked how it hunted so stealthily and gracefully. It became my favorite animal soon afterwards.   The Arctic Wolf by Adam Thomas Have you ever seen an arctic wolf howling in the moonlit snow. An arctic wolf has a long muzzle with many sharp teeth in his mouth. It stands about 26-32 inches tall and about 52 inches from nose to tail. It has very thick fur to protect it from icy winters. The wolf usually has very thick pads on its feet to protect it from sharp rocks and icy ground. Have you ever heard of the saying, "You eat like a wolf?" That's because a wolf must feed its babies too. When the babies are hungry, the wolf has to puke up food for the pups to eat! They seem to like it. The Arctic Wolf lives mainly in the tundra and hills in very cold climates. This wolf benefits man by controlling the rodent and deer population. If an Arctic Wolf feels threatened and can't get away, it will bite, run, or fight its attackers. Usually these wolves are well-tempered, and will only attack when they feel threatened. I picked this animal because my aunt gave me a book about wolves and as I was looking through it, I saw a picture of a white wolf standing in the night snow. Ever since then I have liked Arctic Wolves.   Narration is a common mode of writing used on state assessments. In this prompt students "narrate" about a remembered place from their past. A Good Party Gone Bad by Daniel Kratz There is something that I'm really proud to say about my mom. She plays the keyboard in a band that performs songs that I personally like a lot. The band's name is The Red Rockets. They had a "gig" recently at a neighbor's house where a house warming party was held. The place was on a large piece of land near where some of my basketball friends live. Many of these dudes came too, so I knew I would know several of the kids there. They included: William, Kevin, James, Brian, Richie, and Jake. When my sister, my dad, and I arrived (my mom was already there because she had to set up), I saw some kids playing football. I decided to go over and say hi. I was invited to join a team by William and played for at least two hours. It was getting dark and we were getting hungry, so we quit. We all got something to eat. I had a hot dog. After I had a pretty good supper, I checked out the desserts. There were caramel apples on sticks, but without peanuts. The lady who made them asked us how we like them. Brian was really rude and said, "No," in a very mean way. After being around Brian for a while, I couldn't believe he had any friends because he was so disrespectful. The host of the party had a huge trampoline and most of the kids jumped on it. I went on too, but came to regret it. Brian threw me into a huge pile of kids who had fallen, and I cut my shin. I got out right away because I don't like to play like that. I went on my own and watched the band play for a while. William told us they were going to hit the piñata, so I went over to that spot. We all got in line to hit the candy-filled horse. I was near the end, and the piñata burst before I even had a turn to strike. I was really mad and sad. I had to search for leftover candy on the ground and ended up with two pieces. The group of guys I was trying to hang out with went back on the trampoline, but I watched them from a distance. They walked around awhile, and then they all agreed to play Capture the Flag. They let me come and play and I joined in reluctantly. We played a few rounds of it when Lance's mom came over and said that her son was missing an insert for his shoe. It was very important that they find it. She was willing to give twenty dollars to the person who could find it. William found it right away because he knew where it was. He got the dough, and I said something to the effect of, "Wow, that's twenty bucks!" Brian said, in a rude way, "What do you have, Kratz, only two dollars?" I didn't say anything and walked away. I felt really crummy, though. I was trying hard to be their friend, so I once again joined the group, but Brian continued to make me mad and hurt my feelings. He said something again, and the other boys joined in the teasing. I almost felt like crying because they just stared at me and no one stuck up for me. I went away from those guys for the rest of the night. Later, I told my parents what happened. I saw some fireworks and listened to some more of the band, and then went home. I learned I should not speak up as much with this group of guys. They just don't seem to want to be my friends. You see, they all go to a different school than me, so I lingered behind because I felt left out.   Patches by Adam Thomas It started out as a normal summer Monday morning. I was in my basement whittling with a box cutter. My sister came down looking for tape for her bike. As I was reaching for the tape I accidentally knocked the razor-sharp open box cutter off the table. On its descent, it cut my left leg about five inches above my ankle with a one-inch long, centimeter deep cut. Blood was gushing everywhere from my cut as I sprinted up the stairs to bandage my wound. As I put a gauze pad over my wound it took only a matter of seconds for it to become completely soaked in blood. After four gauze pads the bleeding finally began to subside. After it finally stopped I had the very unpleasant experience of showing my dad. He was still asleep so I don't think he saw the severity of it because all he said was put a Band-Aid on it. As I walked back down the stairs I knocked my leg on a Little Tykes dollhouse. "Crap!" I screamed, only with 100% different language. Instantly blood poured, once again, onto the floor. After a couple of minutes I was able to make the bleeding stop. Finally I was able to bandage it with a piece of gauze and a big Band-Aid. Once that was finished, I had to wait for an hour for my mom to get home. When she did, it took her about three seconds to make a decision. We were going to the doctor's office. When we got to the doctor's office, I could smell that doctor's office smell and see all the unsuspecting patients walk down that brightly-lit corridor. I got really scared. Five minutes later I heard a sharp cry, as some patient was mortified in pain. Later as I waited for my turn to walk down the corridor, I saw a boy walk out with about 20 staples in the side of his head. He was the scream. Gulp. This was going to be fun. Not. I had had stitches before and all I remembered were needles and pain! The doctor came in with all his equipment. First they numb the area with eight shots. After each shot the area around it got even whiter. Next they started stitching. I could feel them tugging on my skin with the needle and thread. It was really creepy. When they were done I looked at my leg and saw five neatly stitched stitches. Finally we were able to go home. At dinner I showed my dad my stitches and he game me the nickname Patches since it was starting to look like I had patches from my stitches. I started to hate that name but now I'm getting used to it. Now to remind me of my box cutter incident, I have a one-inch scar with five little holes on each side.   In The Chase scene prompt, students are expected to focus on one event and describe a scene using ING action words and strong verbs. What an imagination! The Chase Sam Korthof Cinderella sped around the corner, skirts and hair flying as she ran. She had just stolen the golden egg-laying goose and the harp from the Wonderland Museum. Not long after, the Big Bad Wolf dashed around the same corner. He wanted that goose and he'd skitter and scurry until he ran that girl down. The two criminals ran all over wonderland that night, and the ball would end soon. Suddenly, a pumpkin carriage came into view. Cinderella sprang in and shoved off one of the seven dwarfs, and started off. "Hey!" shouted Grumpy, "This is our carriage so get the heck off!" He began ramming the princess criminal until finally Cinderella, with all her strength, slugged him in the gut. Flying through the air, Grumpy crashed into the muddy street. It was then that Cinderella noticed that the Big Bad Wolf had summoned up his three little piggy minions, and they were chewing away at the vine wheels. Soon the carriage started groaning and collapsed into a heap. Pumpkin juice gushed across the street. Cinderella shot up and raced down the road. "Get her!" cried the Big Bad wolf. "Bring me the goose!" Cinderella slipped on a seed and lost a shoe that went shattering into one thousand pieces. When the pigs came upon it, they tumbled to the ground. Cinderella turned the corner and tackled the Fairy Godmother. "Zap me to the ball, old hag, or else!" Hastily, the Fairy Godmother zapped Cinderella to the ball where the police were waiting for her.   Here's an excellent example of personification in poetry.   The Deep Red Rose by Travis Eagles-Soukup The little red rose did curl her lips All the way to her deep red tips, Sucking from the pool of blue, And eating from the sunlight too. Finding it was turning cold Because her roots were turning old, Gazing upon the large oak tree. The huge oak was gazing down Through the forest at the ground Where this little rose did softly lay, On this cold and cheerless day. Grasping up the small cold rose And cradling it between her arms, The dying rose safe from harms, The dying rose in cradled arms.   When Mrs. Patti Christell taught fifth graders using Tap the Deck at Lincoln Elementary School in Springfield, Illinois, her students wrote about their favorite animals and published their stories in a booklet entitled Zoo Are Cookie Boxes based on a writing prompt in Unit 4. Their published booklet is excellent. Here is one student example: Golden Lion Marmoset Imagine having fingers as long as your forearms and having golden metallic hair the color of paint on a Cadillac. The golden lion marmoset, also called a lion monkey, has those remarkable features. Lion monkeys are noted for their shiny manes. They live in South America, high in the tree tops where they feed on fruit, buds, nuts, insects, spiders, eggs, and young birds. The golden lion marmoset's tail is as bright and yellow as a lemon. The marmoset's face has beady black eyes, a built-in smile, and tan colored hair. Lion monkeys belong to the mammal family, just like people. Marmosets live in related groups led by the oldest dominant male. Its home is in South America, in the nation of Brazil, in a small area known as Bahia. These animals live in the rain forest of a mountainous region, 1,600 to 3,000 feet above sea level (three to six times higher in elevation than in Springfield). This species inhabits tree tops which it calls home. They won't let anything violate their territory without attempting to repel other groups of marmosets. Because of loss of habitat due to the advance of humans, there are few of these animals left. Marmosets add to the variety life on earth. It is shameful to lose remarkable creatures such as these. Marmosets are my favorite animal because they are such wonderful monkeys. Like the underdog team winning the soccer game, marmosets are surviving in the face of the approach of civilization.

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